


chicks before dicks has never really been our motto

by meretricula



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-20
Updated: 2010-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-13 20:43:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/141543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meretricula/pseuds/meretricula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All the semi-incestuous tensions of the Omicron Lambda Upsilon sorority come to a head at the winter formal, their biggest social event of the year: wherein sorority sisters Venus and Min(erv)a backstab, catfight, and occasionally unite against a common foe, and also there is hatesex. Every fandom needs at least one college AU! (All knowledge of American sororities is exclusively based on watching a handful of episodes of <i>Greek</i>. No engineering students were harmed in the making of this story. My sincere apologies to any women's lacrosse players.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	chicks before dicks has never really been our motto

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cupcake54](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupcake54/gifts).



> warning for some ableist dialogue.

"Are you really going like that?" Venus asked. She pouted dramatically at the mirror, then reached for a tissue to blot her lipstick. "Oh, honestly, Minnie, no wonder you don't have a date for the formal."

"Don't call me Minnie," Mina snapped. "There's nothing wrong with the way I'm dressed. And oh, wait, who's _your_ date to the formal again? No, don't tell me, I know this one! Isn't it that stuttering engineering major? You're going to have a _great_ time dancing the night away."

Venus flushed despite herself. "Daddy wants me to go with him, all right? It wasn't my idea," she said defensively.

"He's not your father," Mina said nastily. "He's mine. Just because he was married to your stupid whore mother for a year-long fit of temporary insanity doesn't make you part of our family."

"Girls, girls," tutted a low voice from the doorway. "I would hate to think that the sisters of Omicron Lambda Upsilon can't get along even on the night of our biggest social event of the year."

"Fuck off, June," Mina sighed. "We'll be down in a minute."

"Since you're going to be running the ticket table, you'd better," June sniffed, and went her way in a cloud of expensive French perfume.

Venus and Mina stared after her, momentarily united in antipathy. "I can't _believe_ Dad goes out with her," Mina said at last.

"Ugh, don't remind me," Venus muttered. "I never thought I'd say this but I wish he'd stayed with that lunatic English professor with nine kids."

"God, no," Mina said absent-mindedly, pushing past Venus at the mirror to grab a hairbrush. "I was afraid he was going to marry her. One stepsister is bad enough."

"Thanks," Venus said. "I feel really special now."

"Oh gosh, sorry if I'm not terribly concerned. I doubt anything I say could so much as scratch the Teflon coating on your enormous ego." Mina finished brushing her hair and pulled one of the elastic bands off the hairbrush handle. "Come on, I'm almost done, we need to get downstairs."

"Are you - oh, for God's sake, give me that," Venus snapped, and yanked the elastic out of Mina's hands. In less than five minutes Mina's hair was pinned up and Venus was putting the finishing touches on her makeup, ignoring Mina's clearly specious complaints. "There. Now at least I won't be embarrassed to sit next to you. I _know_ Daddy offered to get you contacts, too, so why you insist on wearing those awful glasses - "

"I like my glasses," Mina said stiffly. "Not that it's any of your business. Now can we go already? June's going to blow a gasket."

"Oh, fuck June," Venus said, but she snatched her clutch up from her bed and walked out the door without looking back to see if Mina was following her.

*

June was too busy micro-managing the decorations in the hall downstairs to do more than hiss, "What took you so long?" Unfortunately, the ticket table was already set up, so between that and June's lack of attention Mina and Venus were left with nothing to distract them but each other until people started filtering in. Mina counted the singles in the cash box five times in icy silence and smiled so widely at the first man who came up to buy a ticket that he nearly ran back out the door.

Selling tickets kept them busy for half an hour or so, and then, the glorious moment for which Mina had been waiting finally arrived. "Oh, look," she said sweetly. "Your _date_ is here."

"At least I _have_ one," Venus snapped, but it was a weak retort and they both knew it. The young man in question made his way up to their table, blissfully unaware of the abject humiliation and petty satisfaction that his approach was inspiring in his date and her step-sister, respectively.

"H-hello," he stammered, once he was close enough that Venus couldn't keep up the pretense of failing to notice him. "You m-must be V-V-"

"Venus," Venus said. "Like the tennis player. This is my sister, Minnie. As in Mouse."

"Step-sister," Mina corrected, more out of habit than active vitriol. She might be about to spend the majority of the OLY formal getting drunk on her own at the bar, but at least she wouldn't have to make conversation with an engineering major. It was hard to get particularly worked up at Venus under the circumstances. "Have a _lovely_ time," she added, gestured for a couple of the freshers to take over at the ticket table, and beat a strategic retreat to the open bar, where she would have unlimited access to free alcohol and a good vantage point from which to observe the inevitable social trainwreck.

*

"Well, that's just… fascinating," Venus said, smiling weakly. The engineering student's stutter hadn't seemed to impede him from rambling on about fluid mechanics (whatever that meant) for forty minutes straight. "I'm just going to - Daddy!"

"How's my pretty girl?" he boomed, dislodging June's possessive grip on his arm so he could swoop in to claim a kiss as his god-given right.

"I'm great!" Venus beamed at him, her pleasure equal parts genuine and spiteful. No matter what June did or how well she thought she'd snared him, Venus would always be her Daddy's pretty girl. "What are you doing here, Daddy?"

"I had to check up on my girls, didn't I?" He patted June on the shoulder, a little like he might have petted a dog. June kept her head up, but Venus could see the faint flush on her cheeks. "I didn't want my Junebug to organize a party and then have no one to dance with, after all. Not that you have to worry about that, of course! This fellow is showing you a good time, right?" The engineering major stumbled at the force of his clap on the back.

"Oh, yes," Venus agreed. He didn't notice her lack of enthusiasm, but then, he wasn't a particularly subtle man.

"Good, good! I'm glad. June thought he'd be a good match for you, not like those meathead football players you're always going with."

" _June_ thought?" Venus repeated dangerously. June smiled at her, poisonously sweet.

"And aren't you glad I did?" she purred. "Well, I'm just going to go powder my nose," she added, and stood on tip-toe to press a kiss to his cheek. Venus didn't even know what excuse she made to follow after her, but it wasn't like either her stepfather or her date could tell an implausible social fiction from a hole in the ground.

" _You_ told Daddy to have that - that - " she hissed when she caught up to June, right outside the ladies room.

June looked smugly superior as she pushed the door open and left Venus choking for words in her wake. "I would have hated to see you dateless at our biggest social event of the year, darling. Really, all I did was make a tiny suggestion that no one had asked you and he should have one of his students take you. You know how your father worries about you."

Venus wanted very badly to scream, but there were other girls in the bathroom, and appearances had to be maintained. "You know," she said, "some people might see your dating a man more than twice your age as some sort of… Freudian cry for help. Something to do with a lack of male authority figures in your childhood."

"Oh, but darling," June said as she reapplied her lipstick, seemingly unconcerned, "I'm sure some people would say the same about your prurient interest in your stepfather's sex life. Isn't it good that we both know better? I'm sure you're not really jealous, no matter what it would look like to a stranger. Or, well…" She drew out her hesitation beautifully; Venus was grudgingly impressed. "I hope so, anyway. I would really hate for it to be awkward if I ended up being your stepmother some day."

"I'm sure you would," Venus managed from between gritted teeth, and let June lead the way back into the hall. She'd already lost the battle; it would have been pointless to pretend otherwise.

Venus' _date_ was waiting right outside with a glass of champagne, which she knocked back with unseemly haste. Their father had found Mina at the bar - they were probably sharing a Scotch and talking about some obscure mathematical theorem, Venus thought bitterly; of course it was fine if his _clever_ girl didn't have a date to the formal - and June went to retrieve him without a backwards glance. "W-w-would you like t-to d-dance?" the hapless engineering major asked.

Venus liberated another flute of champagne from a passing waiter and handed it back to him, empty, before he had time to move out of arm's reach. "Sure," she muttered. "Why not. Don't step on my feet."

*

"Buzz off, twerp," Mina said, as the third idiot fresher in fifteen minutes started to ask if he could get her a drink. She'd known it was a mistake to let Venus put makeup on her, she thought irritably. It just seemed to give people ideas that she was actually interested in trading her time and attention for free alcohol. It was an open bar, for god's sake; the alcohol was already free. At least her father and June had left, so she didn't have to drink to counteract the nauseating sight of June fawning over his every word like she didn't have a single original thought in her head. You took the small victories where you found them, she reflected, and looked up from her nearly-finished Scotch just in time to see Venus slap her date full across the face in the middle of the dance floor and burst into tears.

"Hey, asshole, back off," she snapped, shoving in between him and Venus. She didn't even remember how she'd gotten across the room. "What's wrong? Did he hurt you? Come on, we can - no, seriously, jackass, _back off_." The engineering major was gabbling out apologies as fast as his stutter would let him, but Venus was crying too hard to say anything, so Mina wrapped an arm around her shoulders and herded her out of the hall before any more of a fuss could be raised. "Okay, okay, come on, whatever it was it couldn't have been that bad. Stop crying already, your eyeliner's running and you look like a raccoon."

"He said - Daddy said - " Venus hiccuped.

Well, that would do it. "Look," Mina started, then sighed. She kept Venus moving up the stairs toward their room while she worked out what to say. "Look, Dad is a really shitty parent," she finally settled on. "He means well but he is just crap at it. I'm sure whatever it was, he didn't mean it the way it sounded."

"That - that Special Olympics reject put his hand on my _ass_ ," Venus hissed, swiping angrily at her eyes. "And when I told him to move it or lose it he said _Daddy said I'd put out for him_."

"Um," Mina said. "Yeah, that's. Pretty much impossible to misinterpret." They had finally arrived at their room. Mina opened the door and let Venus storm inside ahead of her.

"It's not _fair_ ," Venus ranted. At least she had stopped crying. Mina wasn't used to feeling sorry for Venus, and she didn't like the feeling much. "Just because I'm not - not _clever_ , or - I'm not a goddamned whore!"

"Nobody thinks you're a whore." Mina locked the door behind her, and jumped when she turned around to find Venus standing alarmingly close.

"Daddy tried to _pimp me out_ to one of his students," Venus said, her eyes shining crazily. "I am a goddamned free woman and I will sleep with who _I_ fucking want - "

"Yes, yes, okay - " Mina tried to say, and was cut off when Venus grabbed her face and smashed their mouths together.

It was initially the least sexy kiss Mina had ever had. She didn't know who Venus was really kissing - please god that it wasn't Dad - but it wasn't her. Venus kept at it, though, and after a minute she gave up on kissing angrily and just made out, and that was - well, Venus had had a lot of practice kissing. She was good at it.

"Wait, wait," Mina managed, pulling back. Venus glared and tried to pull her head down again, but Mina was a lot stronger than she was and the element of surprise had been well and truly lost. "Are we doing this because you actually want to have sex with me, or because you want to get back at Dad?"

"Can't it be both?" Venus asked. Mina hesitated, and she added, "Look, you're the one who's always going on about how I'm not really your sister. It's not like it's illegal or anything."

"That's a really great pickup line. Hey baby, we wouldn't be breaking any state or federal laws if we went to bed together," Mina snorted. Venus rolled her eyes. "But yeah, whatever, okay."

Venus looked mildly surprised. "Really?"

"What, did you change your mind?"

"No, I just didn't expect… I mean - " at which point Mina lost her patience and kissed Venus again.

It was more fun than she'd expected - kissing Venus, getting her over to the bed, peeling her out of her fancy dress. They'd probably never gotten along so well in their lives, not since the day Venus and her mother had moved in with Mina and her Dad, when Venus had taken one of Mina's books without permission and Mina had ripped the head off of Venus' favorite doll to make her cry. "Hang on," she panted, sliding off of Venus' mostly-naked body; Venus just laughed and reached up to unhook Mina's bra. Mina shrugged the straps off her shoulders but swatted Venus' hands away when she tried to cup her breasts. "No, seriously, hang _on_. Do you have a preference?" she added, rummaging in her bedside drawer. "Not the purple one, that's my favorite, but we can use whatever else you want."

Venus leaned over her shoulder, her breath warm and distracting in Mina's ear. "Mina, you've been holding out on me," she said, almost admiring, as she examined the contents of Mina's collection.

"Some of us don't like to depend on the unreliable interests of men to supply our need for dick," Mina said, and ducked when Venus tried to hit her in the face with a vibrator. Then Venus apparently realized that a vibrator had a somewhat obvious use when in bed with another naked girl, and let retaliation go in favor of more collaborative activities.

*

"Do you think Diana's relationship with her brother is kind of creepy and incestuous?" Venus mused out loud. "Seriously, it's really weird that she took him to the formal."

Mina opened one eye but remained otherwise limply flopped out on the bed. "A, you just had sex with your step-sister. Glass houses, stones. B, this is your idea of pillow-talk?"

"I'm just saying," Venus said, comfortably. "She never dates. He's _always_ in her room. It's kind of suspicious."

"Why are you telling me this," Mina mumbled into her pillow.

Venus stretched lazily, and took a certain amount of personal satisfaction in the fact that Mina rolled over to watch. "Well, you're on the lacrosse team with her. You would know, wouldn't you?"

"I can assure you that I have never seen any proof in the lacrosse team's locker room that Diana's been fucking her twin brother in there," Mina said. "Jesus Christ, go to sleep. You just got off three times, what more does it take?"

Venus hummed a little and snuggled down beside Mina, despite the sweat covering them both. "Oh, Minnie, by the way. I hope you know this doesn't change anything," she said, in between yawns. "I'm still going to beat your ass out on the Paris Fellowship application."

"Yeah, we'll see about that," Mina muttered. Venus pressed an absent-minded kiss to her collarbone. Mina's breasts made for an amazing pillow, she thought, and slipped easily into sleep.


End file.
